Learning How To Bend

Let God move through you.

“Some people wish, some people dance, some never take a chance, some people steal just for the thrill, and some drink to get their fill, some people preach, some people write, and just choose to just stay quiet, some people teach, some people roam, some would rather be alone, some people hurt, some people laugh, some people just don’t know what they have.” – Eli Young

I fall under every category…  I wish but never have faith. I dance but fear being judged. I never take a chance in fear of being hurt. I try and steal the spotlight just for some thrill. I have drunk to feel something more. I preach what I believe in. I write when I’m at loss of words. I stay quiet when I feel lost in the world. I teach but don’t like being taught. I roam in search of finding myself. I have come to accept the fact that I’ll be single forever. I hurt more than you’ll ever know. I laugh randomly. And I have taken my life for granted.

                For one cannot change the path they have already traveled, they can only choose a new one to walk upon. It’s nobody’s fault but mine for the road I have chosen. Although the path was not made of bad choices, it was a path of lost faith. When you lose faith, you tend to no longer believe in things including yourself. I’m about as hardheaded as they come these days… so my ways don’t change unless I truly seek change. Last night was an eye opener to say the least, but I still need a sign to believe. I’ve tried to find the faith that is gone from me for SEVERAL months but I haven’t been able to find my way. Then last night I met this group of people my sister had been doing bible studies with, and this particular guy named Brandon inspired me. He had literally just met me and only God knows why he opened up to me and told me how he became a believer. I was in pure aww last night with the story he told, I just wanted to sit and talk for hours (but that would’ve probably scared the poor guy, ha).  

                If you have ever had a serious talk with me, you often hear the words, “Everything happens for a reason.” I truly believe with all of my heart everything in life happens for a reason… every tear that rolls down your face, every joyful moment, every heartache, every rollercoaster, and every person that has EVER walked in/out of your life was all placed in that specific time for a reason, maybe just to help you find who you are, to test your beliefs, to learn a life lesson, or to just be a change in somebody’s life. Although you may never know the meaning behind every reason, just know it’s not meant for you to know then. With all that being said, I know feel that the meeting of those few people was all part of God’s strategic plan, and Brandon unbeknownst to him changed me slightly.

“I’m still learning how to pray, trying hard not to stray, try to see things your way, I’m still learning how to bend how to let you in, in a world full of tears, we’ll conquer all our fears, I’m just trying to understand, it’s all in someone else’s hands, there’s always been a bigger plan.” – Gary Allan