I've realized that behind every face, every smile, and every tear lies a story. The story to be told is beyond different in every circumstance I've come across everything: parentless, drug dealer, heart broken, assaulted, etc. We all have a story either told or untold. The hardest thing is finding people caring enough to truly listen to YOUR story.
"She carries memories around like souvenirs down in her pockets. She should have let some go by now but can't seem to drop it. Says forgiveness ain't nothin but a lifeless tire on the shoulder of her soul that never rolled. For as much as she stumbled, she's runnin, for as much as she runs she's still here, always hoping to find something quicker than heaven to make the damage of her days disappear."- Eli Young
These past two weeks have been absolutely incredible. I've never felt so blessed to meet these new friends! We all clicked instantly. But the truth is behind all these smiles, laughs, and "good times," reality seems to shoot you right back in the foot. This morning I was reminded of the dad I wished I had, the dad I'm named after, the dad who has not been in my life at all for 4 months. Trying to hide the pain, I broke down, realizing I just want to forgive him. I want to forgive him, then forget him. I don't know how to legitly forgive an individual who has literally done so much damage to mine and my sibling's lives. My dad has not apologized for words he spoke. He therefore is not sorry for the words and hurt he has caused us all these years. I have realized this though, it is not destroying his life but mine. He has affected my life even without seeing or speaking to him. The fear I live with on a daily basis is what tears me apart the most. The fear of marrying, the fear of being with somebody who is like my dad, the fear of letting people in, the fear of broken promises, and the fear of being judged. I want to be freed. I want to learn forgiveness.
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